some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
