I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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