I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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