Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I supernannyed him into submission
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
