FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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