My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
