u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
