You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
