It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My bed smells like the plague
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
