Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
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He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
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I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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