my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
