The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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