It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
