Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
