I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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