Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
