You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
