so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
