I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
