Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
