can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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