It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
