Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize