question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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