We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
