Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize