there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
