You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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