community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
