Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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