my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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