He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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