a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
