My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
