So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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