I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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