He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
