After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
