so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
