Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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