so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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