Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
