Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
