I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize