i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
