i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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