I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
