I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Randomize
