No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
