he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
