I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
