Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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