Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My ass is underappreciated
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
