four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
