why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She bit a glass in half.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
