Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
