gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
