Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
