What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
