Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
