My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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