You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
