His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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