Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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