I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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