Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
