So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
