at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
