her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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