Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
