I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
