shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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