Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
