dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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