You work out of a Hotel?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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